Of course, these ideas play out in the workplace, on school campuses, and, in some cases, even in the medical industry.
So it's not hard to imagine why plus-sized women are often ignored, ridiculed, and/or fetishized on dating apps.
Instead they're the funny friend, or the helper, and they rarely find themselves in the center of romantic plot points.
"These cultural ideas filter into our day-to-day interactions," Escobar says.
People match with you just to tell you that you’re fat. It’s just somehow acceptable to tell fat women what they need to do differently. You hear it all the time, though, from salespeople, randos at the restaurant, your landlord, that guy who walks his dog in front of your house, and even your dates.
Being married, I thankfully do not have to deal with this anymore, but I do have a tip for you if this ever happens. You get to hear how much prettier you’d be if you lost weight over and over again. To be talking to someone who says to you, “I’d be really into you if you lost some weight” is devastating. Dating a fat girl is like having a moped because you don’t want your friends to see you riding either one, hyuck hyuck hyuck. These guys have the same lines but it basically comes down to the fact that you’re pretty, funny, and smart, but you’re fat, so they’re not looking for anything serious.
"I feel like the entire culture has changed so much," she says. Everyone is just judging based on appearance."That said, the idea that apps are to blame for people's obsession with their prospective partners' looks isn't completely fair.
Dating apps don't exist in a vacuum — they're essentially just digital platforms where society's existing views on bodies play out."In terms of finding love, you think about romantic comedies and advertisements depicting romance, and it's almost always about a thin woman.We have this really narrow definition about who is valuable, and that rarely includes women at all, let alone women of color and women who are plus."When plus-size women are represented, they're not the main characters.The major culprit here, according to Cristina Escobar, the Director of Communications at The Representation Project, is actually the media."There's a very limited representation of bodies when it comes to media in general, especially when it comes to women" she says."I've had men message me and ask to feed me," says Laura Delarato, a sex-educator and branded video producer at . It's on regular sites like Ok Cupid and Tinder." According to Delarato, if you're a plus-size woman on a dating app, you should expect your body to be "the forefront of the conversation."The easy (and typical) explanation for this is that swipe-based dating apps have made us more shallow.