It’s an illusion, but illusions can have tremendous power. MORE: 11 Definite Signs He Doesn’t Like You The solution here and the first step to getting out of the friend zone in general: Let’s keep talking about the damaged goods scenario though and why it can be a major trap if you don’t catch yourself. You yourself have been a victim to your own fantasies and dreams about what you two could be together.
Sure, maybe you weren’t drawing unicorns and rainbows with his name surrounded by hearts in your notebook, but you are definitely a strong believer that you’re “meant to be together.” As romantic as all that sounds, it actually damages your chances for success in actually starting something.
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And part of deepening a relationship is knowing the other person more and more deeply and gaining a fuller understanding of who they are. But the dazzling new Cleopatra that stepped into the picture is a blank canvas – he can paint her up to be anything he wants to imagine that she is in his mind.The less he actually knows about her, the more he can fill in the gaps with his own fantasy.The reality is that when someone hasn’t healed past hurts and relationship wounds, they really aren’t ready to get into a new relationship.( For much more on this topic, make sure to read my article How Guys Deal With Breakups) Now there have been times where the so-called damaged guy jumps into a relationship seemingly out of the blue after months or even years of lamenting about how “damaged” he is.This can happen for a few reasons: 1) The new girl he jumps in with completely takes him out of that “mode” or “funk” he was caught up in.There are some great guys out there that have had their heart broken one to many times.
And by the time they’re in your life, they have a lot of unclaimed baggage that they have yet to resolve.It can actually be one of the greatest lessons to learn to truly let a crush go and accept just being friends. And it also gives the other person the psychological “space” to possibly grow feelings for you at some point down the line. When I finally spilled my guts about my feelings for her, she said she just didn’t have “those kind of feelings” for me. MORE: How to Get Over a Guy That Doesn’t Like You It might be tough, but if you add gravity to the situation or romanticize it or dramatize it, it will be 100 times tougher.Letting go and just being friends can be something you just do silently within yourself. What I mean is don’t talk like you’re just friends, but then in your mind plan your wedding day and the love story that led to it.It’s an: “It’s not you, it’s me” situation, except it comes before any relationship has even happened.Problem is, your feelings for him and what your relationship are just an illusion.See, while you were listening to him sulk about his broken heart and smoothing his hair, new girl appeared out of nowhere as a limited-edition item. But the new girl who just entered the picture is completely fresh – he can act like whomever he wants to appear to be and she’ll accept that that’s who he is.