To abuse the metaphor further, you want to be tossing as much out there as you can and seeing what floats to the top. Some people are just going to disappear off the face of the earth with no warning.
It’s one thing when you’re meeting women in person – unless you’re a graduate of the Lando Calrissian Player School, then you’re only going to be flirting with one woman at a time. Even if someone seems perfect on paper, you have no idea how well you’re going to work out in person… Even two or three dates isn’t enough to preclude things not working out.
It takes slightly longer than hitting “wink” (unless you’re like me and kept two to three variations in a text file that you could copy and paste in as needed…) but it’s also far more likely to get an actual response instead of a silent eye-roll. You may be trying to feel things out and get to know them.
It’s a way of saying “I know you’re probably not going to write back to me, so please notice me noticing you and do the hard work for me…” If you’re interested in them, send an email already!
Much like stressing about the opener, the first email is there to get them interested enough to write back.
The best thing about it, though, is that it’s a no-lose situation.
If you ask and she says “yes”, then congratulations! If she says “not yet,” but suggests maybe another time soon?
Why do all of that when you can meet women without leaving your house?
Flirt to your heart’s content without even bothering to get dressed!
Spending your mental energy angsting about every non-reply you get is a waste of your time.
It won’t help you get any more responses; all that will happen is that you’ll get more and more depressed before possibly giving up on online dating altogether.
Needless to say, it was kind of an insult even back then; nothing screams romance more than “I’m interested in you but not enough to actually to join the site.” Fortunately most sites seem to have wised up and charge a subscription fee instead, but the vestigal organ that is the “wink” hangs in there like an appendix and does nothing but cause trouble.
Here’s the thing: everybody knows exactly what it means when a guy sends one of these.
Feel free to write out the “about me” section in advance; it’ll save you time in the long-run and it allows you to fine-tune it rather than hitting “send” and then kicking yourself because you realized you could’ve said something wittier. If you had a chance, what would you do to wind down after a long week? A little about me: I’m $AWESOME_ATTRIBUTES_X, Y and Z… Like I said: you seem like you’re a really interesting person and I’d love to get to know you.