You just might find that some of the red flags actually relate to you, not your significant other.
The start of every new relationship is all butterflies and happiness.
Michael Shnayerson has been a contributing editor at Vanity Fair since 1986.
Maybe it seemed sexy; maybe it reminded me of my mother.But I now know how to recognize anger — not shows of temper, which may be healthy in moderation, but the deeper, more destructive hum — and to back off when I hear it.We will skip the most obvious ones—cheating and physical abuse should never be tolerated, under any circumstances and if you’re experiencing it get immediate help and tell someone!Other warnings signs take the time to notice, however, but that doesn’t mean you should turn a blind eye or ignore them.If her cell phone rings during dinner and she takes the call at the table, this is annoying and will need to be addressed at some opportune point (not the first date). As he or she talks — not just about past romantic relationships but about work, friends, and family — listen for a low hum of anger, like a third rail running along the tracks of your new prospect's life.
For reasons I never quite figured out, I used to be attracted to women who had that vibe.
You've identified the other person's strengths, but have also discovered some traits that leave you scratching your head. Well-meaning friends and relatives might be inquiring about your love life, wondering when you plan on taking "the plunge." Your own sense of loneliness and that God-given desire for connection can nudge you further in a relationship until the steps toward the altar just seem to get easier and easier. But with so many of them urging you toward marriage, it's wise to pause and ask yourself some questions that might prevent heartache down the road.
In either case, you have probably found that many forces push you forward in your relationship. You need to decide what to do with this relationship; no other person can make that decision for you.
After decades of ignoring red flags in a relationship only to sail into disaster each time, I've finally realized that no matter how gorgeous and alluring the new stranger is, you have to quit when a red flag goes up. If a woman on her first date with you wears an orange-striped top and you hate orange or stripes, this is not a reason to bail.
For starters, you have to learn how to distinguish relationship red flags from mere quirks and annoyances.
But how would their lives have turned out had they taken the time to explore the red flags that were at least partially visible?