Recently, though, they have started to identify as transgender.
I am a polyamorous queer cisgender woman, and nearly half of all the lovers I’ve had have been transgender.
I take this as a compliment: like everyone I make mistakes, but I figure I’m doing something right if so many trans* people have chosen to welcome me into their hearts.
But respecting your partner’s changing identity is key to maintaining a healthy relationship, and my girlfriend has been learning to embrace her partner’s feminine identity as it develops alongside their masculine identity. Correct people who misgender your partner I run into this issue a lot, because my partner uses they/their/them pronouns, and many people are not familiar with using the singular they as a gender-neutral pronoun for people they know. I talk about my partner with the correct pronouns, but most everyone knows I’m queer and automatically uses “she” to refer to them because they think I only date female-identified people.
Sometimes this happens with people I’ve only just met.
However, rather than saying, “So, what do you have in your pants?
” you can say something like, “So, what parts of your body make you feel sexual, and how can I touch them in a way that will make you feel good? Understand your partner’s body image Your partner might use different words to describe their sexy parts than what you’d see in an anatomy textbook or hear in a porno.
If your partner hasn’t come out at work, for example, or if their family relations are so fraught they’d rather just let the misgendering slide, you should follow your partner’s lead on how to proceed. Don’t ask about surgery or sex organs unless things are clearly going in a sexy direction Your partner’s body parts are none of your business unless you are going to touch them (with their permission). Unless your partner tells you first that you are allowed to ask questions about their body, do not ask.
Ask yourself: if my partner were cis, would I be comfortable asking them whether their dick is circumcised, or whether their nipples are sensitive?
” That way, your partner can describe their sexy parts in a way that feels natural to them, and you can learn what kinds of things they like in bed. Just because a trans guy’s dick is smaller and differently shaped from your average cis guy’s dick doesn’t mean you shouldn’t call it a dick if he asks you to. There may also be parts of your partner’s body that cause them dysphoria and that you should not touch.
Make sure to ask if there are any off-limits areas before you get intimate.
I didn’t even notice I did it, but when it was pointed out to me, I immediately said, “I’m very sorry.